The secret growth hack
Real change only happens when you accept who you are. There’s no way around that.
You can’t become the next full, peacock-feathered version of yourself without accepting who you are right now.
You're expanding yourself, not someone else.
Without acceptance, there is no growth. You spending your energy fighting, struggling, and resisting, trying to be other than you are. It’s a no-go.
Instead, channel it towards getting wildly curious about yourself.
What is asking to be seen or felt?
What parts of yourself are you rejecting?
How are you getting in your own way?
You can’t expand wildly if you don’t accept who you are.
You’re becoming the next version (not necessarily better, just different) of yourself. Your becoming is anchored to your being, not someone else’s.
Yet, many of us reject who we are in hopes of becoming ‘other’.
It’s a damn shame. Because there is only one of you. Only you know how to be you. No one else does.
“Be yourself, everyone else is taken.”
- Oscar Wilde
Your purpose is what you're doing when you're being exactly who you are.
Being exactly who you are is fully accepting yourself. It's inviting and welcoming ALL parts of you home. Not just the sweet, juicy bits, but the sour ones too.
It requires:
looking at what informs your behavior
pulling back the curtain
picking up the lid
seeing your shadow and your light
You need to become aware of what you believe, where it comes from, and how it fuels your behavior. Then you get to choose how you respond.
And shit, that’s not easy.
But there’s nothing more worthwhile.
Making it tangible: A story of baked-in wanderlust
I’ve been moving since I was 2 years old. My Mom was always searching for something. Maybe she found it, but then misplaced it again.
I went to 8 different elementary and high schools combined, moving from Spain, Brooklyn, Manhattan, San Juan, Ottawa, and Montreal.
I learned how to love and let go, to shape-shift and adapt.
Moving became my default.
I continued this pattern as an adult, moving from Montreal → NYC → Sri Lanka → Bahrain → France → London → Copenhagen.
Right until my marriage imploded, and I started seeing a therapist who offered another option (I was contemplating moving to Paris at the time):
Learn how to stay.
Learn how to deepen relationships with myself, others, and a place.
Staying would be the new experience.
11 years ago, I decided to anchor in Copenhagen.
I still get the urge to move, to pull the tablecloth and see if the plates tumble to the ground, just for the thrill of it.
It feels like an inner jittery leg, frustration. Something old telling me to move, switch it up already. I am the Queen of Do-Overs after all.
I have learned, with help, to recognize it. Once in a while, I still feel like I want to jump out of my skin, but it passes. And I’m the better for not acting on it.
I am an agent of my own change.
I am not on autopilot or cruise control.
I’m at the wheel.
I am not trying to:
Resist it
Change it
Judge it
I simply accept it.
I get to choose whether to act on it or not.
Recognizing this is a part of my code is liberating.
It brings me closer to myself.
I’m not trying to be any other way.
I’m not shaming or blaming myself for wanting to shake it up, play 52 card pick-up and create a new world just because I can, because that's what I knew.
A call home
All of this to say: Accept your bruises and your beauty marks.
All of it makes you who you are.
And you, dear creator, are a masterpiece. A f***ing work of art.
Your ‘weaknesses’ are the markers of your strength.
Circumstance might have forged you, but you'll take it from here.
Come home to yourself.
Celebrate who you are and what your past self did to get you here. Reflect on what your future self will be thanking you for and start doing that.
Start here, with you, as you are.
Express from this authentic place.
Not only will you be calling yourself home, but also calling in your people. The ones you are uniquely placed to help, to support, to journey with.
Authenticity is the win.
It’s what draws people close.
And what brings you closer, everyday, to who you are expanding into.
FIELDWORK
✦ COACHING MOMENT ✦
Time travel ⏳
What are you thanking your past self for?
What are you celebrating about yourself now?
What is your future self asking of you?
What is one step you could take right now?
✦ DOSE OF CREATIVITY ✦
What stops you from expressing or sharing?
Set a timer for 1 minute and spit out everything that comes to mind.
Reflect on what you wrote:
What parts of you need acceptance?
What beliefs are holding you back? Are they yours?
What needs to be said and shared?
➭ Create a post and share it.
✦ NOTE TO SELF ✦
Self-acceptance is the real growth hack.
